Sundays with Spielberg: Which Indiana Jones sequel is best?
And why it's not "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."
Which Indiana Jones adventure is the second-best (there’s no question that “Raiders” is the greatest)?
The answers vary. Some people like the darkness and danger of “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.” Others prefer the addition of Sean Connery in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.” No one seriously thinks “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is the right answer.
This question comes to me as I reach a dilemma. After “E.T.,” the next movie in my Sundays with Spielberg lineup would be “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,” which I just saw about a year ago. And I’ve written about the two other sequels in recent years, including a look at “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” last summer and a revisit of “Crystal Skull” for its tenth anniversary in 2018. I wasn’t quite sure how to handle the films, especially because it was going to take an act of God to make me sit down and suffer through Shia LeBeouf’s Tarzan routine one more time.
So, I thought, why not settle this once and for all? As I note in my “Last Crusade” piece, the Indiana Jones movies, like the Bond movies that inspired them, have certain tropes that audiences expect (which is why “Raiders of the Lost Ark” feels more timeless than the sequels: It’s a love letter to movies, while the sequels are just movies about Indiana Jones). So, why not rank them?
So, the following is a rank of the various tropes of an Indiana Jones movie — the opening sequence, the artifact Indy’s chasing, the settings Indy heads off to, and more — in descending order to scientifically* determine once and for all which Indiana Jones adventure is the best. Moments are ranked 1-3, with 3 being the highest, and the film with the highest score is the de facto winner.
* = This is not scientific at all.
Opening sequence
3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: The truth is, I think every Indiana Jones movie has a fantastic cold open. But I’m going to give the edge to “Last Crusade,” which opens with a young Indy (played by River Phoenix) discovering some tomb raiders while on a scouting trip and then evading them on a circus train. Phoenix had worked with Harrison Ford previously on “Mosquito Coast,” and captures his mannerisms and reactions perfectly. The chase over the train tops is lighthearted and fun, likely a reaction to the backlash the dark “Temple of Doom” had received, and it ends by introducing Indy’s father and establishing his obsession with the grail. I don’t know that we needed an origin for the hat — but the establishing of his fear of snakes is good for a laugh — but it’s an opening so effective that it set the stage for the highly entertaining TV spinoff “The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles.”
2. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Indiana Jones, of course, is rooted in Spielberg’s desire to direct a James Bond movie, and this cold open is the most Bond-esque in the series. It has the hero in a tux at a nightclub. There’s a shootout, a vial of poison, a villain’s death by kabob. It’s exciting, loud and fun. But the thing that elevates it is the wonderful musical number that opens it, fronted by Kate Capshaw singing “Anything Goes.” It’s the moment that made many film geeks dream about Spielberg doing a full-on musical one day (which will be fulfilled with his “West Side Story” remake this December).
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Here’s the big confession: I think the opening to “Crystal Skull” is wonderful. I love old Indy swinging through Area 51, throwing punches and evading bad guys. I love the glimpse of the Ark of the Covenant. I love the fight on the rocket sled. And yes, I even like the fridge moment, which is ludicrous, but ludicrous escapes are the name of the game in this series. If it’s the least of the cold opens, it’s only because it just does exactly what you expect from an Indiana Jones movie, instead of diverging from the formula the way the previous sequels did.
Winner: “Last Crusade”
Artifact:
3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: The Holy Grail. The cup of Christ, destined to give eternal life to whomever finds it. Pursued by knights, scholars and Monty Python. It’s perfect.
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The film might be silly and introducing aliens (sorry, “interdimensional beings”) might be a bad fit with a series previously steeped in the religious and spiritual, but the skulls look cool and their psychic powers are kind of fun, in theory.
1. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Rocks that get hot. It’s the Charlie Brown Halloween treat of MacGuffins.
Winner: “Last Crusade”
Settings:
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Indy makes the rounds here, jaunting from China to India and into the remote jungles. The titular Temple of Doom is a fantastic, foreboding set, pulled right from the serials that inspired Lucas and Spielberg. Few films have gained so much mileage out of their settings.
2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Indy’s time in Venice opens opportunity for a fantastic catacombs chase followed by a very fun fight on a boat. The Austrian Castle where Indy and his father reunite gives Lucas the haunted castle he always wanted the hero to play around in, but also sets up a very fun escape sequence. The desert tank sequences do feel a bit too much indebted to “Raiders,” but the final sequences set in Petra are mysterious, creepy and dangerous.
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: There’s some ancient indian ruins. An old prison. Some jungles, a river and a hidden temple. Everything feels stagey and fake, and it’s just running through Indy’s greatest hits. One of the big disappointments of a highly disappointing movie.
Winner: “Temple of Doom”
Harrison Ford performance:
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Ford’s always been most engaged in this franchise, and he has a particular affinity for this character that he doesn’t even for Han Solo. In “Temple of Doom,” he gives a helluva performance. He’s suave and Bond-ian in the opening sequence. He’s pompous and juvenile as he flirts with Willie. He goes dark in the passages where Indy is under the control of the evil blood (the joy he gets in preparing to sacrifice his friends chilled me as a kid), and then he transforms back into the iconic hero in the film’s finale. Ford’s having a great time here.
2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: The funniest of the Indy films, and Ford really throws himself into the comedy. Indy’s frustration with his father, coupled with a childlike desire to please him, never fails to make me laugh. And Ford also reminds us, in the film’s climactic set piece, that Indy’s brains keep him alive just as well as his brawn. I’ll give the edge to “Temple of Doom” just because it asks more of Ford, but it’s a lot of fun to watch him here.
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Ford’s fine. In the early go, he still throws himself into the stunt sequences and there’s a dash of melancholy as Indy reflects on the friends he’s lost. But about halfway through, Ford seems too tired of the whole thing. There’s an opportunity for humor with his discovery that Mutt is his son, but Ford and the film do very little with it. Most disappointingly, the climax gives Ford nothing to do except scream “run away.” There’s no tension for Indy, no new discovery to make. The film shrugs its shoulders and just rushes to the ending.
Winner: “Temple of Doom”
Villain:
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Mola Ram is pure evil. He rips a man’s heart out. He poisons Indy. He enslaves children. He’s a foreboding foe, so dastardly that we’re kind of happy when the alligators tear him apart.
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Cate Blanchett elevates every film she’s in. And while the film kind of whiffs on giving her Soviet spy much to do, even when it hints that she has psychic abilities, she’s fun to watch throughout the movie, particularly in the moments where she brandishes a sword.
1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Julian Glover and Alison Doody were likely chosen for their connections to the James Bond franchise, as “Last Crusade” is the movie that apes most from the 007 playbook. They’re fine; Doody as a femme fatale is particularly effective. But rich white man and scheming Nazi scientist felt a little played out even in 1989, and they lack the sinister streak that all of Indy’s best foes had.
Winner: “Temple of Doom”
Sidekick:
3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: How do you pay homage to Indy’s 007 origins? Make James Bond his dad. Sean Connery is the kick that makes “Last Crusade” so much fun. Henry Jones Sr. is fussy and out of his element as he joins his son’s latest adventure, and Connery is a hoot. His reaction to shooting up the plane he and Indy are on (“I’m sorry son, they got us”) or the line “she talks in her sleep” both get huge laughs, and the presence of Indy’s dad gives the film a much-needed emotional heft. He’s so good that he compensates for the fact that the film utterly butchers the characters of Martin Brody and Sallah, turning Indy’s formerly intrepid co-adventurers into a doddering fool and a greedy Arab stereotype, respectively.
2. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Short Round is funny, whether helping Indy escape from gangsters in Shanghai or cheating at cards in the jungle. His friendship with Indy is the emotional cornerstone of the film; we care more about Indy reuniting with his pint-sized friend than about him falling in love with Willie. But the character is also too often plagued by a few racist stereotypes, a problem that plagues much of this second film.
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Shia LeBeouf is a fine actor. It’s not his fault that Mutt is styled as a James Dean knockoff and that the film’s father-son tension feels toothless after “Last Crusade” hit the same notes much better. I’ve always felt it would have been more interesting for Indy to have a daughter besting him in the field. Mutt’s not awful, just extremely forgettable.
Winner: “Last Crusade”
Love Interest:
3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Allison Doody’s Ilsa is something the franchise hasn’t had; she’s the classic Bondy-type seductress who wins our hero’s heart only to stab him in the back. She’s smart and funny, a good foil for Ford. And her comeuppance feels both deserved and tragic.
2. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Listen, Willie’s annoying as hell. That’s how she’s written: A prissy gold digger who doesn’t want to be traipsing through the jungle. Her whining about breaking a nail is both annoying and sexist. That’s not a dig on Kate Capshaw, who does everything that was written for her and gives it a great effort and is sometimes very funny, despite the horribly written character. After “Raiders,” the series needed something a bit different; Willie’s probably not anyone’s idea of a great character, but Capshaw manages to elevate what’s on the page.
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: I know, I know. Marion is Indy’s great love. And no performance in any of the sequels is better than how Karen Allen went toe-to-toe with Ford in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” But “Crystal Skull” deflates as soon as Marion shows up. Gone is the hard-drinking, tough-talking partner from the first film. Here, Marion has a few obligatory moments to bicker with Indy but, throughout the film, she turns into a swooning, easily back-in-love damsel in distress. It’s highly disappointing. Indy may have ended up marrying the right girl, but Marion’s totally underserved here.
Winner: Last Crusade
Creepy-crawlies:
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: The bugs lining the path to the temple plague my nightmares. The centipedes, worms, beetles and other assorted icky things still make me shudder.
2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Really close behind to “Temple” is the rat sequence in “Last Crusade.” They’re gross enough scampering over the catacombs, but when they’re tangled in Ilsa’s hair, it’s peak gross-out.
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: There are CGI ants.
Winner: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Great escapes:
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: The entire film is full of great escapes. The raft jump from the airplane into a raging river. The scrape with death in a collapsing chamber filled with spikes. The mine cart roller coaster climax. Indy cutting the bridge. “Temple of Doom” is breathless, sometimes to its detriment, but it’s the sequel that feels most like the serials the film is harkening back to.
2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Indy’s navigation of the path to the grail is fun and filled with some really great moment, the leap of faith being my favorite. And the sequence where Indy and his father flee a burning castle is funny and exciting. There’s also a great tank escape. “Last Crusade” never feels quite as nonstop as “Temple of Doom,” but there’s a lot of fun to be had.
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: There’s a fun bit of parkour where Indy shoots a dart back at a foe. The duckboat chase would be a fun stunt piece if Spielberg didn’t depend so heavily on CGI. But the film’s final moments just amount to a lot of running away from a computer-generated spaceship.
Winner: “Temple of Doom”
Lesson learned:
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: This film is a prequel to “Raiders,” and is thus an origin story for Indy’s “It belongs in a museum” mentality. He starts out seeking fortune and glory and by the end is risking his life to save a village’s children.
2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Henry Jones Senior’s “Indy, let it go,” is a touching ending, showcasing the elder’s love for his son and letting Indy know there are more important things than mystic trinkets. It’s a bit derivative of “Temple of Doom,” but the reconciliation between father and son gives it a bit of an emotional kick.
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Indy tells people to “run away.” He marries the girl who swoons over him after not seeing him for 20 years. He learns he has a son and just kind of goes, “Okay.” He learns nothing.
The winner:
Point totals
Temple of Doom: 25
Last Crusade: 23
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: 12
Personally, I prefer watching “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” over any of the other sequels (with the understanding that “Raiders of the Lost Ark” is still perfect). But looking at it sort-of objectively, I think “Temple of Doom” is the more original and well-done Indy sequel. Still, I’ll take Sean Connery shooting his own plane out of the sky over Mola Ram ripping out hearts any day.
But no one likes Mutt.
Previous Sundays with Spielberg entries