Review: Red One

Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans search for Santa.

Red One is the movie equivalent of receiving a board game for Christmas: You wanted a PlayStation, but at least it’s not socks. 

For audiences who thought The Best Christmas Pageant Ever was too pious comes the latest movie — following Fat Man and Violent Night — to depict Santa Claus as an ass-kicker, this time with Dwayne Johnson as his bodyguard/personal trainer. There are no hymns, but several mild curses. There’s no baby Jesus, but there is Krampus (and, for some reason, the Headless Horseman). It trades sweetness and whimsy for badass and stupid, basically A Very Fast and Furious Christmas but with no Vin Diesel. 

If the above paragraph has you mixing extra rum into your eggnog, you’re probably not going to be won over by the bombastic, CGI-drenched Yuletide action comedy. But if you can get on its wavelength and go with the joke, it’s got some charms. It’s no PlayStation, but it’s a perfectly adequate stocking stuffer. 

Johnson stars as Callum Drift, Santa’s head bodyguard. He spends most of the days before Christmas heading up the labyrinthine logistics of prepping gifts, rehearsing drills and ensuring that Nick (J.K. Simmons) is tightly toned while keeping his cookie intake intact (we’re told Santa burns 4 million calories every Christmas night). When Santa’s kidnapped, Callum and the head of a mythological creature protection force (Lucy Liu) contact the only person who can find him – an elite and unscrupulous tracker named Jack O’ Malley (Chris Evans), who they must learn to trust even if he’s an NL4 (Naughty List Level 4). I assume he landed on the list because of his constant gambling, status as a deadbeat dad and because we literally see him steal candy from a baby in the opening scene. 

I must admit that while writing that plot description, I vacillated between exasperation and amusement. The screenplay by Fast and Furious alums Chris Morgan and Hiram Garcia understands the inherent silliness of the enterprise and has fun playing into the tropes of a big-budget action thriller while also ladling in some clever mythological twists and pun-heavy Yuletide jargon. We’re introduced to Santa’s North Pole complex learning that Mrs. Claus (Bonnie Hunt) is sorting out a “logjam in ribbons,” and that the internet troll tracking Santa’s whereabouts is a literal troll. There’s a long visit to the German castle where Krampus (Kristofer Hivju) – a hulking goat-like figure – conducts midnight slap fights; a beachside battle with disturbingly jacked snowmen (complete with bowler hats and corncob pipes); and a plot involving the Queen of Winter, Gryla (Kiernan Shipka), who wants to steal Santa’s power to create billions of magic snow globes that will imprison the world’s naughty. It’s extremely silly, but grafting the holiday trappings onto a straight-faced buddy film results in some fun. Imagine Scrooged’s “The Night the Reindeer Died” sequence, but played out for 2 hours instead of two minutes. It’s fun, but also a bit exhausting. 

This would be a disaster if the cast played it broadly, but they largely understand the assignment. Johnson, in particular, is a ton of fun. He plays Callum just as he does Hobbs in the Fast and Furious movies, completely earnest and badass, and delivers every ridiculous line – including “[Santa’s] here to spread cheer, asshole” and “Let’s go save Christmas” – completely straight, and you genuinely believe he’s both able to take down Krampus in a slap fight and also deeply concerned that adults are losing their Christmas spirit. Johnson’s hulking size also helps bridge the gap between the real and the mythic; if you can believe a specimen like the once and future Rock exists, you can probably easily make the jump to believing in Santa, elves and magic. 

Evans puts on a bit too thick of a smartass accent, but he’s a fun audience surrogate. After portraying an ageless Boy Scout in the Captain America movies, Evans has relished playing a prick in movies like Knives Out, and his tossed-off dickishness is enjoyable. He has fun anti-chemistry with Johnson, and even brings a bit of poignancy as Jack has to reconcile with his estranged son. This is Simmons’ second time playing Santa – he previously did it in the fantastic Netflix animated movie Klaus – and he’s quite good. I don’t quite know why Santa has to be so ripped – early in the film, he benches probably double his body weight, but Simmons portrays him as a mission-focused straight arrow without losing warmth of jolliness. And Hivju earns a few chuckles as Krampus, who revels in his naughtiness but might not be as evil as he seems. Shipka, unfortunately, is a bit wasted as the villain, but by and large, the cast understands that playing the film as serious as possible will help the laughs come. 

The film’s problems largely stem from director Jake Kasdan (Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle), who doesn’t have his cast’s skill at navigating the film’s tonal tightrope. If the cast succeeds by playing straight, Kasdan struggles because of the same instinct, not bringing the dose of whimsy required to counteract their performances. He shoots it like a Marvel movie – complete with blurry cinematography, uninventive chase sequences and cruddy CGI – and doesn’t understand that this is a movie whose tone should be pitched at an audience a few years younger than that of the typical Johnson movie (there’s a bit more cussing in here than you’d expect in a movie about Santa being kidnapped by a Christmas witch). Aside from the fight with the snowmen – which ends with a clever gag about how to stop them – the action sequences have no spark or imagination, and the muddy effects used to create the North Pole never make it feel real, magical or warm. And no movie about special forces trying to save Santa Claus should run over two hours. 

Red One’s probably a bit too grownup for young kids, while action fans will probably find themselves allergic to the film’s mythological silliness. I’m a bit torn myself. The concept is good for a few laughs and the cast makes this more fun than it probably has any right to be. But – and I say this understanding 100% this is a movie about The Rock trying to save Kris Kringle – I just think there’s a better film inside. But it’s not a total lump of coal, and I could see myself putting this into the rotation every few years.